CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES: HOW MY POSITIVE OUTLOOK MADE ME "TURN AND FACE THE STRAIN" (PLUS SOME SAD STUFF I'D RATHER NOT DISCUSS IN PUBLIC)

I didn't know what I wanted to write about today and then "Changes" by David Bowie popped into my head and it made me realize that my life has been going through many changes, both good and bad.


I'll start with something bad. Well, it isn't something really bad. It's more like something that's been disappointing me for a couple of weeks but I haven't really said anything about it. I've been taking Improv 301 at UCB for 4 weeks now (tomorrow will be my 5th week) and I'm struggling a lot in the class. I'm having a really tough time with the pattern games we've been playing/working on and my work in scenes is very lack luster. I'm also having a very tough time following the Harold. I'm pretty terrified to go to class tomorrow and disappoint my classmates since they're all doing a lot better than I am. I haven't even seen a single show yet so maybe that's why I'm doing so poorly, but I'm just not sure. I had a lot of fun in my 101 and 201 but I'm just so scared of this new class. Every time I say something in a pattern game my teacher points out that I'm not going the right way with it. Once he pointed it out 3 times during one game and I just didn't say anything after that since I was so afraid to get it wrong again. I don't usually have time to ask for help after class either and it's just so scary to go up there and freak out and not have fun like I think I should be having. It's just very stressful and weird. I'm going to Harold Night tomorrow at the UCB Theatre so maybe I'll see what I'm doing wrong and I can fix it. Or maybe I'm just off of my game. I really don't know yet, but I'm hoping to fix these feelings before our graduation show. It just feels like I'm back in math class in school and everyone is getting it and I'm just like "I'm gonna fail this test" and then I fail the test. I always ended up passing math in the end, but that was because my teacher felt bad for me. I hope it doesn't end up like that with 301.

Another bad thing that's happening in my life (and I'm not actually sure if this is even happening) is that one of my best friends has been ignoring me and one of my other best friends a lot lately. When I say lately I mean I haven't seen or heard from her in 2 weeks after trying constantly to get into contact with her. I have some experience with friends starting to not like me and then they just stop talking to me and never say why so I'm not freaking out about this like I think I should be, but I am scared. I don't really want to lose another friend, but then again who does? No one, that's who. This is one of those situations where there could be a number of reasons as to why my friend isn't speaking to me. I think maybe I did something that upset her, but I honestly don't think I did anything wrong. I also think maybe she's just been really busy, and I'm hoping that's what it is. There's also the possibility that something bad has happened to her or one of her family members and I really hope something like that hasn't happened. Another thing that bothers me about this whole situation is that it isn't just me she's ignoring, if she even is ignoring us. I have a harder time understanding women than I do men. Women always have reasons on top of reasons as to why they do things and it's usually just one over complicated mess. But I do hope that she's just busy and not angry. If she is angry I'll try to do whatever I can to make it up to her, even though I have no idea what's actually going on.

Shall we move onto the good stuff now? Well there isn't anything good to talk about. KIDDING! There's plenty of good stuff (by plenty I mean like 2 things) (by 2 things I mean 1 thing). As you know from an earlier post I broke up with my long distance boyfriend a few weeks ago (it'll be a month on Friday) and I made a new Okcupid profile. With this new profile I wasn't expecting anything at all since I've only had bad luck on that site. I guess since I wasn't hoping for something to happen my luck changed because something did happen. I met someone on there that actually lives in the same state as me (a 20-30 minute DRIVE away, not a 6-8 hour PLANE ride) and he's great. I've actually never been so comfortable with someone of the opposite sex before and this is a big deal to me. And I liked him right away too which is an even bigger deal to me since I can be pretty picky at times, though I have no right to be. But you know when you meet someone that you can just talk to for hours and you realize how much you have in common with them and how much you like them? And I'm not just referring to someone you date, but it can just be a new friend too. Well I pretty much had one of those instant connections with this guy and we're currently dating and I'm really happy with him and our whole situation. Pretty sure that was a run-on sentence and he's a writer so he'll have fun with that one. But anyway, he makes me really happy and makes me forget about all of the bad shit going on. If I believed in god I'd say that this was a blessing but I don't so fuck that. I think he and I both deserved to be happy and both got what was coming to us, which is a better way of looking at it. Life is funny that way. Sometimes you get thrown some really bad pitches (BASEBALL REFERENCES, YOU GUYS) or you hit a foul ball but other times you can hit a home run, or like a base hit which isn't as good but it's better than a strike. I'm just going to end this here because the baseball stuff probably threw some of you, threw you a curve ball that is! OH! Sorry...