DATING: I FIND IT BOTH VERY LOVELY AND VERY DIFFICULT

Dating is something I used to have a huge problem with because I never did it ever. I was always too afraid to talk to the people I actually liked and I was also lacking confidence. I also felt like I wasn't very interesting or pretty. Men seem to like women that:

• are easy going
• look good in makeup
• have confidence
• wear fashionable clothing
• listen to all kinds of music
• aren't super awkward when it comes to any and all situations

Here is a list of my qualities that tend to get overlooked by most guys:

• funny
• somewhat smart
• listens to music that no one else seems to know exists
• doesn't wear makeup
• wears a lot of black
• cannot talk to guys at all

It's really weird to be on the sidelines watching people who are pretty cool and confident talking to guys (even if they were ugly) and actually getting somewhere with them. Usually I meet a guy and after talking for a little while he never speaks to me again. I find that weird. I try to be cool and calm and collected when talking to people in general but with guys it has never really worked. I figured I wasn't going to meet anyone without them running away so I shouldn't even bother. My whole "This is pointless. You're never going to get anywhere with guys" theory didn't stop me from trying though. I actually met guys and during conversations I thought "This is pointless. He won't like you" and he never did, but it was my fault.

I made dating a lot more difficult than it needed to be. I never had any confidence in myself and I found myself to be a bit tedious and boring, making the guys think the same thing. They knew I wasn't confident and didn't really care that much so they didn't really care either. I don't blame them but for a while I did. I wasn't really realizing the problem until I decided I wasn't going to act like that anymore. If I ever went out with anyone again (which I didn't think would happen) I wouldn't let them know if I was feeling timid or awkward with them. I was just going to play it cool and hopefully I would seem it. When I finally started taking it easy I started to feel better about myself and then I met my current boyfriend. Here is a list of my qualities that he loves:

• funny
• somewhat smart
• listens to music that no one else seems to know exists
• doesn't wear makeup
• wears a lot of black
• goofs around and smiles a lot during dates

Apparently all of my bad qualities were good qualities after all and I never even realized it. I had to take a step back and think about what I was doing wrong and why I was doing it to fix it. My reasoning for being so weird about dating was that I just never thought of myself in good ways. I found everything I did to be unappealing. Once I started to feel differently about my qualities I started to open up a bit and was able to talk to people. I still am able to talk to people and it's because I'm being myself, but the best version of myself I can be.

Photo by Sam Vargas